Wednesday, February 22, 2017

BARTENDER'S BURDEN





POINT: A beer and a barstool do not equate the right to spew every goddamn silly thing that pops up in that evil little mind of yours.

I’m the bartender and can’t leave the bar. You’re not, and you can and should, but won’t. Since most of the other customers split as soon as they get a whiff of your sparkling personality, you go to the one person who has to stay put. I’m in hell. It’s a slow night and all the interesting people are either at home or put their wagons in a circle way over by the pool table. What makes you think I want to hear about your broken-down car, your lame job or your crazy roommate who scribbles with crayons all over the walls? You mumble on continuously, meandering around the point into cul-de-sacs of boring detail. When I try to escape to the other end of the bar to wash the one dirty glass, you follow me and blabber on with the story that, in my mind, should be titled, “Why I Need to Be Shot in the Face Right Now.” If the bar is empty and all you have to spew is inane rambling, just order a drink, go into the corner and talk to the wall. Bang your head against it once or twice while you’re there. It can only help.

COUNTERPOINT: You do know you work in a bar, right?

If you worked in an office or factory you wouldn’t have to worry about people coming in off the street to hassle you. But guess what? You chose to work in a bona fide social center, a bar, and do you know what happens in bars? People drink, and when they drink they get talkative. It’s one of the great things about alcohol. Okay, so I might get a little loaded and spout off some random bullshit sometimes—who doesn’t? You’ve never mouthed off about things that don’t make a goddamn bit of sense? If you haven’t, congratulations, you’re a freaking robot. Look, we have jobs too. And we hate them, and bars are where we go to forget about them. And it’s your job to help us because you’re a bartender. You knew exactly what you were getting into, so it’s too late to pull your apron over you head and wail that you want to be left alone. Go work in a lighthouse if that’s your gig. All that said, I’ll try in the future to talk only about things that interest you—because it’s all about you—like kicking puppies and shoving old ladies under trains. Boom!




Thursday, February 16, 2017

WE ARE OPEN TONIGHT...



A bottle of Galliano is traditionally the bartender's last line of defense.



...despite parades and riots in SB celebrating the notion of "protect illegal immigrants."

(We believe in lawful immigration; it is the American way.)



Tuesday, February 14, 2017

REOPENING THIS EVENING







Following a brief hiatus for extensive spring cleaning, we are open again this evening in time for Valentine's Day.

It's hard to be a dive bar when we are so squeaky clean!

(It is also a pity that the iconic neighborhood saloon is now thought of as a "dive bar.")

Karaoke tonight!!


Sunday, February 12, 2017

DRUMPF'S DIVE





Forty years ago my brother and I ran our own late-night coffee house in Hampstead, north London, called Tricky Dick’s, named after dear Mulhouse.

It became an institution, mostly because many of our customers deserved to be institutionalized.

We had a whimsical menu that included Alger Hiss Pumpkin Pie.  (This would seem clever to those who still remember Nixon’s foray into the pumpkin patch; those who don't, never mind.)





So while we are in  the midst of a good spring cleaning, I am considering changing our name from BoHenry's to Drumpf's Dive.

The dishes on our menu would be based largely on The Donald’s personal favorites, and in Trump's unique vernacular.


DRUMPF’S DIVE

(It’s terrific!)


Appetizers


Don J's “I’m Caesar” Salad.

Short-finger-food:  mini hot dogs and baby carrots.


Mains


Donald’s Rib Eye Steak:  Comes tough and overdone, garnished with fake news and Lays potato chips.

The Lord Voldemort Meatloaf Sandwich:  “Rosie’s favorite, she’ll eat five in one sitting.”

Lightweight Pizza:  Just the toppings, no dough.  Keeps calories off and the dough stays in Trump's pocket.

Amazing “gold-plated” fried chicken (with edible-gold-infused batter). 

Vulgarian’s Fried Mac & Cheese Bites with Cheeto Dust:  “Pink pussies, bite me (losers).”


Afters


Fifty Shades of Orange Sherbet

(I’ve got her) Cherry vanilla ice cream.


Five-percent of all profits go toward building The Wall!


(Just kidding, we're not a stupid restaurant, you can't order food; we're a terrific bar.)





Wednesday, February 1, 2017

CELEBRATE IMBOLC AT BoHenry's





Spring is Coming!

Imbolc is a holiday with a variety of names, depending on which culture and location you’re looking at. In the Irish Gaelic, it’s called Oimelc, which translates to “ewe’s milk.” It’s a precursor to the end of winter when the ewes are nursing their newly born lambs. Spring and the planting season are right around the corner.





Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Friday, January 20, 2017

TRUMP'S PRESIDENCY EXPLAINED IN 5 DRINKS




By Robert Gordon

A Special Contributor


The next four years of Trump's presidency are going to be rocky no matter your political affiliations. 

After defeating Hillary Clinton in the electoral vote, Trump became the oldest person to be elected President of the United States. 

Trump has been known by the American people for decades, and always teased about running for the highest office, but never went throught with it. 

He saw his opportunity in 2016 and, after a hectic election season, he is the one left standing as Commander-in-Chief. 

There are plenty of quirky facts about Trump, but the one that stands out the most is that he claims to have never before drunk alcohol. 

We decided to have some fun with this. 

In the list below you'll find some liquid courage, whether you plan to march on Washington or just hope to get that coal job back. (You know, the job that was so great for your health and the environment.) 

Here are five drinks inspired by Donald Trump’s rise to the White House.

1. The Manhattan

The President-Elect's preference for holing up in his Manhattan apartment is becoming more and more apparent, as are the bills piling up for the Secret Service to protect him there. Nonetheless, this drink, made with a dash of Angostura bitters, rye or Canadian whiskey, and sweet red vermouth, probably best describes Trump's state of mind while leading up to the election.

2. The "Nyet" My President

The "Nyet" my President is a traditional White Russian made with coffee liqueur, vodka and fresh cream. This version adds a "thin orange skin and a fake gold leaf garnish." This drink says it all in one rich, delicious concoction.  Sure, the gold garnish doesn't add any flavor, but neither does Trump's excessive use of gold in his personal aesthetic do anything to convince us he has class.

3. The PBR

So you voted for Trump? Well, here's the drink for you. Brewed in Wisconsin (a solid red state once more) since 1844 and started by a German immigrant, PBR is the classic, blue collar American beer. Serve lukewarm (and  in a can if you are a real American).

4. The Pink Pussy

This drink really grabs them by the... well, you know. In honor of President Trump's most famous campaign remark, we present the Pink Pussy. Made with vodka and topped off with pink lemonade, this may not seem like a very wintery cocktail. But when you need to throw something back, and lots of it, this will one will go down easy, unlike President Trump's tweets.

5. Moscow Mule

Let's hope this choice isn't prescient, but it will be if Trump is a Russian puppet.  This cocktail, served in a copper mug that nearly matches Trump's distinctive hue, is made with lime juice, vodka, and ginger beer.

A Moscow Mule will be a convenient way to use up all that vodka lying around as we see what happens next with Mother Russia. The ginger beer may also help settle your stomach. 

Bonus Drink: The Old Fashioned


Since we cannot rule out a Mike Pence presidency we present a final bonus drink, the Old Fashioned:

Made from bourbon or rye whiskey, Angostura bitters, sugar cubes, and plain water, this drink represents what Americans can look forward to in Pence. It is a little bit watered down after all those vodka based drinks we've been chugging and chocked full of classic American tastes like rye whiskey, sugar cubes and keeping women under the thumb of the patriarchy by controlling their birth control.



Tuesday, January 17, 2017

CELEBRATE OR COMMISERATE @ BoHenry's THIS FRIDAY!







That's the cool thing about the booze biz.

Whether celebrating or sorrowing, people drink...

Our impartial bartenders will help you along, whichever way you flow.



Sunday, January 15, 2017

ANOTHER CLOWN GETS 86'd






This foolish customer wanted to bring his own beer, fondle women, and cuss out the bartender.

He is now an ex-customer (but remains a fool).







Friday, January 13, 2017

NEW LOOK FOR BoHenry's




Artist:  Thomas Van Stein



Friends and customers have expressed concern about the removal last month of most of the art adorning our walls.

No, we are not going out of business.

No, we have not made a deal to sell the bar.

Two factors led to the art removal:

1.  As our customers know, we are situated between two restaurants, each with a kitchen.  Not having insurance for our art was no longer an option due to fire risk, and insurance companies out-priced us.

2.  After almost four years of trying to promote ourselves as an "art bar," we came to our senses and returned to our roots as an iconic American saloon:  the neighborhood dive bar.

This does not mean we have renounced our strict policies with regard to anti-aggression and anti-drunkeness.

We have created a warm, friendly ambience along with cultivating a cheerful, peaceful customer base, and we intend to ensure our high standards going forward.

By popular demand, we made an exception and returned Thomas Van Stein's amazing painting, The Graveyard Shift, to its prominent place overlooking the bar.



Dead Artists Society
Left-to-right at the bar:
Edgar Allan Poe, Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Jack Kerouac, John Fante, Ernest Hemingway, Hunter Thompson, Charles Bukowski


We have also hung a collection of black & white vintage photos that celebrate saloons and pool halls in earlier times and others mocking Prohibition.

Additionally, our beer vendors have kindly gifted us with an assortment of neon signs.

We continue to do karaoke every Tuesday & Thursday starting about 8:30 p.m.

Come check us out!


YET ANOTHER REASON TO CELEBRATE @ BoHenry's THIS EVENING






OUR BARTENDERS ARE HERE TO SERVE...






...and to listen.



Thursday, January 12, 2017

TONIGHT @ BoHenry's





New look, cool crowd.


BARS ARE GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH





According to a recent study, frequenting your local watering hole has a number of benefits to your health and wellbeing.
Researchers found that booze fans with a regular haunt were more likely to feel socially engaged, contented and trusting of other members of the community.
On the other hand, pubgoers who didn’t have a favourite joint had significantly smaller friendship circles and were less involved with their local community.
Scientists pointed out the importance of social networks and how they can help to ward off mental and physical illnesses.






Tuesday, January 10, 2017

THE COMING INAUGURATION







Our bartenders are trained to deal with hysteria.

Stop by for a drink, enjoy free counseling.